My blogging efforts have hit an embarrassing low point over the past two months. Like Agatha Christie in her well-known murder mystery “And Then There Were None” I feel like I have been slowly killing off my posts with the precision and dedication to purpose that I actually began EMpression with.
In the beginning, I took to EMpression with a flurry of blog updates on first impressions, try times, verdicts and the odd book review. I participated enthusiastically in online chat forums, Google+ circles and avidly followed the latest posts from my new blogger and Twitter friends. But only three or four months in, I found myself being really critical about my ideas for my next post, my writing style, the images I would or would not use. I was surrounded by half-finished posts and half-baked ideas. I reproached myself continually which added to my procrastination. The time between publishing posts got longer and longer punctuated by excuses and protestations that barely covered my guilt at killing off EMpression missed post by missed post.
I became confused about what EMpression was really about. I reviewed my favourite blogs, I searched for method and meaning, I wanted to unravel the mystery of why I was not blogging when I had “so many good ideas”.
Well the truth is I felt like I was writing into the void: more spam than comments; too few views to be doing anything worthwhile – right? I was a victim of the paralysing fear of not being meaningful!
And so, it was better not to put myself “out there” at all. This of course does not just apply to blogging. The potential for self-sabotage exists in all of us. What aspects of life, love, work and play have you deliberately downplayed, being persistently negative about or in worst-case killed off? Have you done this out of a fear of not being appreciated, out of a fear of being successful and not being worthy of success or for some other equally crazy reason? By crazy, I don’t mean to invalidate the fear itself, it is real, but the fact is, it is in my head or yours and that is the crazy part.
I have decided to abandon my search for meaning, and for method. I am just going to write and post and include whatever damn image I want. I am going to favour participation and productivity over purity of thought. Dear Reader, please accept the consequences of this EMpression (r)evolution which is likely to result in the occasional typo, grammatical fault and lame post. Apologies in advance but I have decided in favour of EMpressing rather than impressing!